So, we're not afraid to admit we've been watching the new Fox reality T.V. series, "Utopia." You know, the one with 15 people living on a semi-secluded ranch somewhere really, really hot in an undisclosed American location with the catchy adult-contemporary theme song? Yep, that's the one. Even if you have no idea what "Utopia" is, we think you'll be able to follow along easily as we transplant our characters from the world of "Adventures of a Merch Girl" into this Utopian "Truman Show" type situation.

The Mile High Merch company consists of 4 employees living in the urban wilderness known as New York City and not 15 people living in sleeping bags in an unfinished barn, but we've had our share of foreign situations, working under pressure and scrounging for food (mostly that's Guy). We sympathize with these guys as they milk cows, drink moonshine, transport chickens in a chicken transporter (how else?!), skinny dip in the lake and most importantly, share one bathroom. Here's where the Mile High Merch team would fit in the Utopia pioneers' pecking order:

United Front of Bromance: Guys Like Rob & Rob Likes Guy

Guy, the Shipping Clerk from Mile High Merch would be best buds with Rob, one of the Utopian pioneers. They both like to play the guitar at every opportune or inopportune moment and have rock 'n' roll tattoos. Also, Rob seems to be chilling most of the time while the ladies are milking cows or working in the garden, and his job seems to be elusive at Utopia, the same way Guy's job at Mile High Merch is. Elusive, yet very important. We don't really know what it is. Not exactly. Oh, and Rob is from New Jersey, so that means they're destined to like each other. They can talk about their favorite dive bars and live music spots in the city while swapping cool band t-shirts and packets of Ramen and cappuccino-flavored potato chips.

"Guy" from "Adventures of a Merch Girl" on YouTube.

Make Your Mark(eting) Province: Chancey & Kristen

It's a total no-brainer that Mile High Merch Marketing guru, Chancey Reynaldo, and Utopia Marketing guru, Kristen, would become a United State of Utopia. They both possess a marketing prowess: under Kristen's leadership, the cast of Utopia made $40 at their first money-making scheme, a yoga class called Yogatopia. Imagine the profit-making potential if they'd had more than one student? Mind-blowing, we know. More importantly, Chancey and Kristen both share an urban fashion sense, including big earrings. They also love to gossip and always choose the side that's most beneficial at that given moment. Kristen went so far as to proclaim herself a "master manipulator" which we're sure Chancey would attest to, in the best possible way, of course. These ladies can get things done!

"Chancey" from "Adventures of a Merch Girl" on YouTube

Isle of Chicken With Her Head Cut Off: Nancy & Bella

The same way it's "poor Nancy" in "Adventures of a Merch Girl," it's "poor Bella" in "Utopia." Misunderstood and trying so hard to rally the troops, Office Manager Nancy of Mile High Merch and Doomsday Prepper (whatever that means) Bella would turn to each other for hugs and words of encouragement. You know, the ones they give themselves when no one's around but the cameras to catch them muttering softly and giving themselves a back rub. For those of you who have watched the show, we know that you know what we all know you know what we're talking about. In charge of the garden and the fraught-with-contention chicken coop, Bella gets no respect when she tells the Utopian pioneers what to do. It's the same with Nancy when her boss, Walso, puts her in charge of Mile High Merch while he's out. Both Bella and Nancy are single and ready to mingle, but we doubt any romance will be in the cards for either of them this season. We do, however, hope that Bella does not over-stress any of the chickens.

"Nancy" from "Adventures of a Merch Girl" on YouTube

District of Don't Mess With Me: Sheila & Hex

Finally, we have Sheila Haidai, Mile High Merch's Accountant/mysterious foreboding Emo girl, and Hex, the Huntress. Need we say more than Hex, the Huntress? We agree Hex seems like a real-life "Katniss Everdeen" from "Hunger Games." She parties hard, likes to call people bitches when in fights (Bella,) and there's occasional footage of her shooting her bow at a burlap target to drive her "Hunger Games" image home. Sheila's weapon of choice is the nunchucks, which might come in handy for some weeding in the Utopian garden or breaking up any domestic disputes. She also knows how to skin a chicken, which would definitely come in handy on the ranch. One thing is for sure, with their mysterious pasts and a penchant for trouble, Hex and Sheila would surely get along. Or they'd at least share the black eyeliner and spike jewelry.

"Sheila" from "Adventures of a Merch Girl" on YouTube

While we don't have 24-hour live feeds and 130 cameras as they do on Utopia, we do have Season 1 episodes, including character video blogs, premiering Oct. 1st on an internet connection near you.

And as a summation of our character study, the Mile High Merch team is decidedly more functional and better showered (minus Guy) than the Utopians. Tell us what you think: leave us a comment, and we wish you well in your own quest for Utopia in this world!